he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
