you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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