This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
