You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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