Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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