So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
