i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
