not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
