Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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