Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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