What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
