i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
