I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
