And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
