a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
