Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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