the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
