i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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