So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
