I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
