he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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