What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
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Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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