and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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