he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
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He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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