Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
