In the future we'll all be gay
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
