she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
