apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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