Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
