Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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