He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
