Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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