I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
