I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
dude. I can hear the air.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
