I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
