Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
