I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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