I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
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I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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