What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
