So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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