he puts the penis in happiness.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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