she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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