Who did Billy Mays play for?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
