I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
