there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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