The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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