I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
