redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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