I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
