my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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