im having a threesome with these popsicles
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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