I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
