he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
