carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
