Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
