Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
