i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
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please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
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Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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