I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My bed smells like the plague
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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