those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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