Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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