bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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