if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
