ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
