Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
