omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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