your parents love me but you hate me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
