I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
