I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My breasts were aching with rage.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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