I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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