girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
