I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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