i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
When are your genitals available?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
