He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
