im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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