Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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