im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
one might say we're banned from that church
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
