I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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