bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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