FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
