Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
