fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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