I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
