I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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