if only i could text you this smell
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
