I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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