Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
