I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
