the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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