You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
